I write this post from the future… from a week today, when I will be too busy enjoying some post-final-exam-drinks with friends to bother posting this. Also I’m going to knock on wood that I have not spoken too soon about finishing this semester, I do have two (difficult) exams yet to write. Ahhhh!
I still have these moments when I am struck with how wild it is that I am here. Maybe they will never go away. I think back to making the decision to do this, it took a long time and a lot of vacillating. I had already moved (temporarily) to different countries twice, and in particular my 10 month stint in France really helped prepare me for all the work and cost required to move overseas (French bureaucracy, I shake my fist at thee!!). In a way, though, I still felt like I was just going through the motions. Apply to uni. Pay money. Apply for visa. Pay money. Sort out bank accounts. Renew passport. Pay money. Scan important documents. Make lists. Make doctors appointments. Fill out forms. Book flight. Pay money. Get insurance. Pay money. Visit lawyer. Pay more money. Hang out with friends. Cry a bunch. Tell people you’re leaving over and over. Quit job. Cancel phone. Pay money. Pay some more money on other stuff. Call credit card companies to tell them you’re leaving, even though it’s ridiculous that the NSA has probably tapped all my emails and phone calls and for goodness sake they should just do half this stuff for me as I don’t know what else they’re good for. I could almost write a book, but, then, I just gave away most of what I’d write so now there’s no point.
Anyway, in all of that I am not certain I stopped to really prepare my own mind for what was happening. For fleeting, brief moments, I got butterflies. Nerves and anxiety were here and there, in the background, never quite sure why but you knew it was something. I just didn’t have time or emotional energy to expend on that part.
Hence, one semester in, I’m still going, “Is this real?” Like, what is happening here? It has definitely felt real. I mean, I just spent the past two weeks in my first exam season. This shit is real. My first exam morning, 8:45am three hour Criminal Law exam in the Ballroom at the Royal Randwick Horse Racecourse. I completely miscalculated where the main gate was to the grounds, walked the longest possible way to get there, and ended up running, in the rain, with my backpack, umbrella in one hand and coffee in the other, and made it literally as the exam was just starting.* Pitiful. 27 years old and I still have to run to things. Adulthood evades me, I cannot figure this game out.
Now I am finished one semester. Thrivin’ and survivin’, as they say. I’m practically a graduate at this point! (*sob* …no, I am not, and boldfaced exaggeration will not make it so!) It just amazes me what you can do when you finally make a decision and stick to it. Doesn’t make it easy though, gosh no! I’ve already spent many a lonely Friday, and Saturday…and Sunday..Monday…Tuesday…. night in, reading cases and writing papers. interspersed with episodes of the West Wing, forming unhealthy relationships with fake people in the show because they were the only people I saw for days… You know, normal, Law School stuff. And that was just first semester! Five more to go!
I’m getting really good at my maniacal laugh. Wanna hear it? Sorry you’ll have to wait ’til I get my course outlines for next semester.
It really is true that the more you learn, the less you realise you know. I am also surrounded by a mass of really incredibly intelligent and talented people every day, which is both humbling, and inspiring. To think, somebody looked at my application and determined that they were going to give me a chance at being amongst these other people. I hope I live up to it…
This next little while will see me taking a short breather, then diving in to an intense, 10 day summer course at the beginning of December to help make the load a little lighter next year, and then preparing for an incredible Christmas and summer break. Eventually I need to find a job. These law school tuitions, ha, they don’t pay themselves you know! Ha ha ha. Funny right dad? Ha ha ha.
Maybe I should quit law school and get in to comedy? Nah, this is more fun…** (*crickets*)
Anyway, cheers! From the one-week-in-the-future me!
*why does this scenario sound so familiar…..
**Actually, I caught myself saying to a colleague yesterday, whilst discussing our essays that were due earlier today, that I think it’s ‘fun’ to put little ‘asides’ in footnotes in my essays. NERD ALERT.