Just so you aren’t under the impression that sunshine and daisies abound in my life, a little grounder: although it is nearly perpetually sunny here, the grass is still always greener on the other side. Maybe it’s because I literally haven’t strayed from the direct path between my apartment and my university classes in two weeks, or because I haven’t done anything other than homework in my spare time and am still behind, or because I’m spending money I don’t actually have, or because I’m on the other side of the planet from my family (ie, my adorable niece and nephew who I miss so much) and friends and, although in the same hemisphere, still a long flight away from my boyfriend. Maybe it’s because I knew it was going to be hard but that knowing doesn’t make it less-so. Maybe it’s because all things worth doing require hard work. I’m feeling the strain, I’m dreaming about mistakes, and that fear of making the wrong decision that plagued me before my arrival in Sydney has not completely subsided since.
If I could write assignments as easily as I can whip off blog entries, I’d be a lawyer already, but it’s certainly not all bad. I’ve got a great apartment, an awesome roommate, friends at university, food in my belly, coffee in hand and more new knowledge than I know what to do with. It’s spring here, the days are getting longer, and the biggest decision I need to consider at the moment is whether to fly to Indonesia for Christmas or convince Aaron to fly here. As I said to him, “Isn’t life grand?” And it really is. It’s just that when you zoom in, those daisies still need to be picked, and that takes work.
I guess, in the end, asking “what if” really doesn’t get you anywhere; the unknown remains the unknown, and all those clichés that go with it. That house in Halifax I keep dreaming of owning and decorating is what I had to tell, “Wait”, in order to dive in to law school here in Australia, but “Wait” is not the same as “No”.